thoughts from a raindrop of tears
July 30, 2012, 4:01 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

i feel so old when i remember. all of a sudden my bones are reminded that they are clay formed from the arid desert of western civilization. my blood trickles through the arteries choked by so much sorrow, so many tears, and so much left unspoken. i couldn’t speak when i needed to, no one had taught me how. so i grew, older and older, needing things that i never knew. like affection, attention, care, all the things that make it worth it to be here. but along with being made old, and strong, i made promises to myself, named universe, that i would stay here and so i did, and do. even when i don’t want to. i promised, i remind myself, remembering that i am not alone in my pain, although i am not caring. i know everyone experiences it, but i am not them and so i must take care of my own. i was never taught that anyone would help me do this anyway, so i don’t know how to let them when they try. they may know pain,  but do they know my promises? i will hold the heads of crushed bodies until i watch the light leave them, i will not run. i will not rip apart what has been created for me because of my selfish heart, or lack thereof, i will persist in my imperfection.


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